


Not Bored

by toyhto



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Dialogue, I don't know how to tag this, M/M, Post-Episode: S2E6 Limerick, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:09:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28933065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toyhto/pseuds/toyhto
Summary: What happens after the episode Limerick, when Russia is still big and the pilots are still bored.
Relationships: Martin Crieff/Douglas Richardson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 24





	Not Bored

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on my second round of listening to Cabin Pressure and now everything I hear is this huge potential for all kind of Douglas/Martin scenarios. Here's one. This story happens pretty soon after the end of S2E6 Limerick.
> 
> [I'm also on tumblr](http://toyhto.tumblr.com)!

“Are you still bored?”  
  
“Yes, Martin, I’m still bored. Why?”  
  
“…no reason.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Why did you ask if I’m bored?”  
  
“Just forget about it, Douglas.”  
  
“But you knew I was bored. We’ve be in the air for _weeks_ , we still have four hours to Limerick, Russia is still stupidly big, and Carolyn and Arthur have fallen asleep hours ago. Thank god for that, by the way. But the fact remains that _of course_ I’m bored.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“You didn’t have to _ask_ me.”  
  
“…you’re right. Now, if you could just drop it –“  
  
“Martin, why’re you looking like that?”  
  
“…like what?”  
  
“I mean, your _face_ –“  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with my face.”  
  
“Of course there’s something wrong with your face. But now more than usually. You’re –“  
  
“ _Douglas._ ”  
  
“Sorry, sorry. There’s nothing wrong with your face, generally speaking.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Well, not much. And nobody’s perfect.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Except me, of course. Anyway, I have to admit that I’ve got used to seeing your face here in the flight deck.”  
  
“Well, we’ve worked together for almost three years.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, what I meant was that your face doesn’t look so funny anymore.”  
  
“…funny?”  
  
“I even like your freckles.”  
  
“Douglas, if you’re taking the piss…”  
  
“I’m not, I promise. I actually like your freckles.”  
  
“…thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome. Martin, you’re still looking at me like that.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“Like you’re trying to think about something. God help me if it’s got something to do with the manual. I can’t deal with you talking about the manual after we’ve been in the air for _years_.”  
  
“We haven’t been in the air for _years_ , Douglas.”  
  
“Yes, we have, Martin.”  
  
“And it doesn’t have anything to do with the manual.”  
  
“Thank god.”  
  
“Although –“  
  
“No, Martin.”  
  
“No, what?”  
  
“Just, no.”  
  
“You don’t know what I was going to say.”  
  
“You were going to say something about the manual. Please, don’t. Just sit there in silence with your freckles and your face and let me enjoy the last hours of this terrible flight.”  
  
“…okay.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“I don’t absolutely hate it.”  
  
“…what?”  
  
“I don’t absolutely hate it when you talk about the manual.”  
  
“… _what?_ ”  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s weird. It’s almost as if you think the manual is always right or something.”  
  
“It is.”  
  
“Perhaps you have issues with authority figures.”  
  
“Douglas, the manual _is_ always right. It’s _the_ _manual_.”  
  
“Yes, definitely issues with authority figures. Or a kink. That’s also probably why you love your hat so much. Anyway, I was going to say that –“  
  
“I don’t have an authority figure kink! And that doesn’t have anything to do with my hat! It’s just the captain’s hat, and I’m the captain, so –“  
  
“Yes, I know you’re the captain. I _know._ ”  
  
“…sorry.”  
  
“Well, before we stumbled onto your authority figure kink, I was going to say that I don’t hate it. I don’t hate that you always talk about manuals.”  
  
“What’re you talking about?”  
  
“I’ve got used to it.”  
  
“Like you’ve got used to my face.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Nice.”  
  
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”  
  
“How many hours ‘til Limerick?”  
  
“About half a month, I suppose. Martin, I’m trying to give you a compliment.”  
  
“Well, you’re doing it badly.”  
  
“That’s impossible. I don’t do anything badly.”  
  
“Yeah, I know, but now… _wait_ , you’re trying to give me a _compliment?_ ”  
  
“…yes.”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“Are you feeling well? Is this an emergency? Do you have food poisoning?”  
  
“I _have_ given you compliments before, Martin.”  
  
“No, you haven’t.”  
  
“Yes, I have.”  
  
“No, you absolutely haven’t. I’d remember.”  
  
“Alright, yes, you’d remember. My compliments are excellent.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Glad we agree on that.”  
  
“Yes, that’s – hey, this wasn’t about you, Douglas. You were saying something nice to me.”  
  
“Oh? Was I?”  
  
“ _Yes._ ”  
  
“You’re doing it again, Martin.”  
  
“What? Doing _what?_ I’m not doing anything.”  
  
“Yes, you are. You’re looking at me like you’re thinking about something. Something that involves me.”  
  
“I’m not thinking about anything.”  
  
“Yes, you are.”  
  
“If you keep talking about my face, I’m going to turn off the light again.”  
  
“…I don’t mind.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“Fine. Then we’ll turn off the light.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“Martin?”  
  
“Douglas?”  
  
“I mean it. Your face is fine.”  
  
“…I don’t know why you keep saying that.”  
  
“Don’t sound so terrified.”  
  
“I’m not _terrified._ ”  
  
“Yes, you are. I’ll just sit here in silence, then. In the dark flight deck. With no lights on.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Douglas?”  
  
“Yes, Martin?”  
  
“What did you do?”  
  
“What did I do about what?”  
  
“About… when you found out that Helena had…”  
  
“ _Oh._ ”  
  
“With the Tai Chi teacher.”  
  
“Yes, I realised what you’re talking about. Well, everyone makes mistakes.”  
  
“…true.”  
  
“Even I make mistakes sometimes. Rarely. But it happens.”  
  
“…”  
  
“I don’t like the sound of your silence.”  
  
“So, you forgave her.”  
  
“Kind of, yes.”  
  
“Kind of…?”  
  
“Well, I did. We had a long conversation. I said I was sorry I had pretended to be a captain and she said she was sorry for banging her Tai Chi teacher. That sort of a conversation. Not a nice one.”  
  
“…but it’s alright now, isn’t it?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“…okay. Good.”  
  
“In a way.”  
  
“Douglas?”  
  
“Well, we talked a lot, and then we started talking about… about why she had started a relationship with her Tai Chi teacher, and why I had lied to her about my job. And then we started talking about our marriage. And the future of our marriage. And…”  
  
“…and?”  
  
“And Carolyn is right about walking a dog. I tried it just last week. My new neighbour let me borrow her dog. And I managed to talk to two women.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Say something, don’t just sit there silently in the darkness.”  
  
“Should we turn on the light?”  
  
“Absolutely not, not when we’re talking about my failed marriage.”  
  
“…you broke up?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“You and Helena broke up.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“You aren’t with her anymore.”  
  
“Yes. No.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“ _What?_ ”  
  
“…what? No. No, I didn’t… _shit_ , I didn’t… I wasn’t… I hadn’t… what were we talking about?”  
  
“You were saying that it’s good that I’m going to get a divorce.”  
  
“No, I didn’t.”  
  
“Yes, you did.”  
  
“Yes, I… I’m sorry, Douglas, I didn’t mean it, it’s just that… I suppose I’m tired. We’ve been in the air for _weeks._ ”  
  
“No, we haven’t.”  
  
“Metaphorical weeks.”  
  
“I didn’t think you liked metaphors.”  
  
“I don’t! They aren’t exact. I… can we talk about something else?”  
  
“Of course. Your love life, perhaps?”  
  
“…not that.”  
  
“Well, Martin, if we can’t talk about your love life, and I don’t have one at the moment, I don’t know what we can talk about.”  
  
“We could just fly this plane to Limerick.”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“I didn’t mean it that way.”  
  
“You didn’t mean _what_ that way, Martin?”  
  
“You know what.”  
  
“No, I don’t.”  
  
“Yes, you… when I said that it’s good that you and your wife aren’t together anymore.”  
  
“Technically speaking, she’s not my wife anymore. She’s just… just someone who knows my weakest points and with whom I have weirdly passionate conversations about household items.”  
  
“…I’m sorry.”  
  
“Yeah, well. Breaking up is always terrible. I’ve done it before. I don’t recommend it. Unless you find yourself in a relationship that has to end, which by the way happens every time.”  
  
“I think you’re being a little cynical.”  
  
“What? Me? No. And you don’t have the right to talk. Have you ever been in love?”  
  
“Of course I have.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“…I think so. I don’t know. How can you tell?”  
  
“No idea. Haven’t you read the manual?”  
  
“ _Douglas –_ “  
  
“The manual of love…”  
  
“Douglas, if you don’t shut up, I’m going to… turn on the light.”  
  
“Well, that was considerably more mild as a threat than what I was expecting. But you’re right, it’s nicer to be in the dark. So, you haven’t read the manual of love?”  
  
“…is there really –“  
  
“Of course not.”  
  
“ _Shit._ ”  
  
“But you can ask me. I’m an expert.”  
  
“This was your third marriage.”  
  
“Practice makes champions. And… hey, are you taking the piss out of me?”  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t –“  
  
“I’m proud of you, Martin. And about my love life, of all things. That’s really something.”  
  
“That’s very rude.”  
  
“Yes, it is. I’m proud. Like I said. And also a little offended.”  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Stop apologising. Ask me questions instead. What do you want to know? Have you ever kissed a woman?”  
  
“…yes.”  
  
“Great. Something to start with.”  
  
“Yes. I don’t really want to talk about –“  
  
“What about a handjob?”  
  
“Douglas, I – _what?_ “  
  
“…Martin?”  
  
“…”  
  
“Martin, you went very quiet very suddenly.”  
  
“…”  
  
“I need you to say something now, or else I’m going to assume that you’re having some kind of a stroke, and I’m going to get slightly worried.”  
  
“…I’m alright.”  
  
“You don’t sound alright. Should we turn on the light?”  
  
“Absolutely not.”  
  
“You sound the opposite of alright. Even more than usually. I’m going to turn on the light.”  
  
“Don’t – _shit._ ”  
  
“…”  
  
“Don’t look at me.”  
  
“Martin, you’re blushing.”  
  
“…”  
  
“And you’re looking at me like that again.”  
  
“No, I’m not.”  
  
“Like you’re thinking about something and you think I might be thinking about it too but aren’t sure.”  
  
“Just turn off the light, please.”  
  
“So that you can keep blushing without me seeing your face?”  
  
“… _yes._ ”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Okay?”  
  
“Yes. I’ll turn off the light.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Better?”  
  
“…yes.”  
  
“So, what did you –“  
  
“Don’t say anything.”  
  
“Fine. But I’m going to get bored in five minutes.”  
  
“Then talk about something else.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Oh my god, Martin.”  
  
“What? What did I – _no._ No, absolutely not. You’re wrong.”  
  
“I didn’t even say anything yet.”  
  
“I can guess.”  
  
“We’re sitting in the dark. You can’t even see my face.”  
  
“I can still guess. Don’t say anything, Douglas, it was absolutely stupid of me, I knew you didn’t mean it like that, my brain just… had an error. Just for a second. I didn’t really think you suggested…”  
  
“A handjob.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Are you going to pass out?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“…no.”  
  
“Well, it’s good that you’re only flying an aeroplane. Martin, breathe. It was an honest mistake.”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
“We were having a perfectly normal conversation about what sort of things you’ve done with women and what not, and I said, _what about a handjob_ , and you thought I was suggesting a handjob. With you. You and me. Here, I suppose, in the flight deck, while we’re flying an aeroplane.”  
  
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
“And when have I listened to you, really? Anyway, I’m surprised you thought of that. Do you know what the manual says about handjobs in the flight deck?”  
  
“…I don’t, actually.”  
  
“Oh, right, it doesn’t say anything. Sorry. My mistake. I was thinking about a novel I once read. Two pilots finding a way to pass the time on a long flight from Hong Kong to Limerick.”  
  
“…”  
  
“I’m joking.”  
  
“…oh.”  
  
“The novel was about two pilots passing the time on a long flight from Peking to London.”  
  
“ _Douglas_ –“  
  
“I can lend it to you if you like. Or do you prefer your porn in video format?”  
  
“Douglas, can’t you just –“  
  
“I was trying to talk about something else, like you asked me to.”  
  
“You aren’t really talking about something else, though. You’re talking about porn.”  
  
“Do you have something against porn?”  
  
“No, I… well, sometimes. It depends. I’m a little worried about the human right issues in the porn industry.”  
  
“Yes, me, too, actually. That’s why I mostly read novels. Would you have said yes?”  
  
“…what?”  
  
“To my suggestion.”  
  
“You didn’t suggest anything.”  
  
“You thought I did.”  
  
“I thought that only for a second –“  
  
“I bet you’re still blushing.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“Alright, alright. I’m just saying.”  
  
“…you’re saying what?”  
  
“That it’s really boring in here and we’ve still got more than two hours to Limerick.”  
  
“I’m just… I’m not going to talk about this anymore.”  
  
“…alright. Spoilsport.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Douglas?”  
  
“Martin?”  
  
“Are you still bored?”  
  
“Yes. Why?”  
  
“…”  
  
“Martin?”  
  
“…”  
  
“ _Martin?_ ”  
  
“You said… you said, _if anyone on board would like to have some sex_ …”  
  
“ _Martin!_ ”  
  
“That’s what you said.”  
  
“Well, you’ve been listening very carefully.”  
  
“But there’s just Carolyn, Arthur and me on board.”  
  
“I’m aware.”  
  
“You didn’t really mean it, though. You didn’t mean that… you wouldn’t sleep with Carolyn, would you?”  
  
“Of course not.”  
  
“…”  
  
“ _Of course not_ , Martin.”  
  
“And you wouldn’t sleep with Arthur.”  
  
“…good lord. No, no, I wouldn’t.”  
  
“Because he’s a man.”  
  
“Martin…”  
  
“You wouldn’t sleep with Arthur because he’s a man.”  
  
“I feel like _a man_ might be overdoing it a little. But, no, it’s not that.”  
  
“You would –“  
  
“I absolutely wouldn’t sleep with Arthur in any circumstances. But it’s not because he’s a man.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Martin, you’re trying to ask me something, and if you think you sitting there silently and eyeing me in the dark is cute, well, it is, but it’s not taking you anywhere. Except Limerick. It’s taking you to Limerick but not much further.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Not into my pants, for example.”  
  
“I don’t want…”  
  
“Don’t you?”  
  
“…”  
  
“Martin, I’m very used to people wanting to sleep with me. It’s natural. They can’t help it. No reason to feel ashamed that you’d like to get into my pants, too.”  
  
“…could we just forget –“  
  
“Absolutely not. Martin, there’s something I need to say to you.”  
  
“…please, don’t.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I absolutely must. I’ve been thinking about this for at least five minutes now, but if I’m being completely honest, the thought _has_ crossed my mind even before that.”  
  
“Please, don’t tell Carolyn I said that.”  
  
“What? You didn’t say anything. You’ve been just sitting there in the silence and not helping at all. Martin, I have a question for you.”  
  
“…yes?”  
  
“You don’t have to answer right away.”  
  
“...okay.”  
  
“But I think you should answer at least half an hour before we arrive in Limerick.”  
  
“…”  
  
“Or else we’re going to have to rush it.”  
  
“…”  
  
“I’m just going to ask you then.”  
  
“I don’t know if that’s a good –“  
  
“Martin, would you like me to jerk you off?”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Martin?”  
  
“…”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Martin? You’ve been silent for at least three minutes. I understand that terrifyingly handsome pilots don’t offer you handjobs every day and that my suggestions might require some… processing. But if we arrive in Limerick and it turns out that you’ve had a heart attack on the way and I didn’t realise because I was thinking you’re just shocked, I’m going to be angry at you. So, if you’re alive, cough twice.”  
  
“…why twice?”  
  
“Oh. You’re alive, then. Great.”  
  
“Why twice, Douglas? You would know that I’m alive if I coughed once.”  
  
“I know you’re alive now, and I kind of regret it.”  
  
“I don’t need to cough _twice._ ”  
  
“Actually, I don’t regret it, and that only makes this more confusing.”  
  
“We can’t have sex in the flight deck.”  
  
“…oh? Where, then? In the toilet? I didn’t think you’d be a traditionalist.”  
  
“I –“  
  
“Oh, sorry, actually I thought exactly that. I thought you might pick up the manual and check what is the correct place to have sex on an aeroplane. But really, Martin, you have to remember that we are _the_ _pilots._ We can’t just go to the toilet to fuck.”  
  
“…”  
  
“I mean, not both of us. Together. To fuck each other. Not for long, at least. And I don’t like to rush these things, unless I absolutely have to. I’m a very patient lover, Martin. And excellent, too.”  
  
“We aren’t going to go to the toilet to…”  
  
“Fuck?”  
  
“…”  
  
“Make love? I didn’t think you were a romantic. Oh, sorry, I did. I do.”  
  
“You’re a romantic, too.”  
  
“I am not.”  
  
“Yes, you are, Douglas. We aren’t going to have sex in the toilet.”  
  
“Alright. But we could have sex in the flight deck.”  
  
“It’s against the protocol.”  
  
“…are you sure?”  
  
“Well, it should be.”  
  
“And yet I’m offering.”  
  
“…really?”  
  
“Don’t sound so shocked.”  
  
“Of course I’m shocked. You’re offering to…”  
  
“I’m offering to get you off, Martin.”  
  
“… _why?_ ”  
  
“Because I’m quite certain you would make funny noises.”  
  
“Douglas –“  
  
“And because you’re going to blush for _weeks_ every time you see me.”  
  
“…”  
  
“And in case you’re wondering, yes, it would be terrible waste to be a straight man doing a job which mostly involves men in uniforms.”  
  
“I don’t think I am… I don’t know what I… I don’t usually do anything like this.”  
  
“Have someone jerk you off in the flight deck while you’re flying an aeroplane? No, I didn’t think you did.”  
  
“Oh, god.”  
  
“Martin?”  
  
“Are you absolutely certain you want to –“  
  
“Of course. Are you?”  
  
“Of course not. What do I… should I… open my zipper?”  
  
“No need. I’m perfectly capable of handling your zipper. I’ll worry about your zipper, you worry about the aeroplane.”  
  
“…”  
  
“And take a deep breath.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Martin?”  
  
“…what?”  
  
“Stop squirming.”  
  
“I’m not… _oh, god_ –“  
  
“Yes, you are. And you’re slippery. I can’t get a good grip when you’re squirming like that.”  
  
“I can’t…”  
  
“Yes, you can. You’re the captain. Try not to fall from your chair.”  
  
“You are… you have…”  
  
“I have my hand on your dick, yes. Complaints?”  
  
“…no.”  
  
“And would you like to comment my technique?”  
  
“…no.”  
  
“So, you’re satisfied then.”  
  
“…”  
  
“What was I thinking, of course you aren’t satisfied yet, but you’re going to be, certainly, and… Martin, I’m going to put the light on. I want to see your face.”  
  
“ _Don’t_.”  
  
“But I like it.”  
  
“You can’t… like my…”  
  
“You’re going to come in my hand in the flight deck with your trousers in your knees and your precious little captain hat still on your head. I want to see it happen.”  
  
“I think my… my hat… fell off.”  
  
“Oh, good lord. That’s why you’re upset, then.”  
  
“… _Douglas –_ “  
  
“No need to hiss at me like that, darling. I’ll fix this. Now, breathe –“  
  
“I _am_ breathing.”  
  
“You don’t sound like you are. Actually, you sound more like you’re suffocating.”  
  
“…”  
  
“But in a good way.”  
  
“Douglas, I…”  
  
“Yes, I know. You’re going to come. No reason to worry. I have a napkin.”  
  
“No, I…”  
  
“No? Really? Because you’re dripping quite a lot, and you’re _very_ hard, and judging by your breathing –“  
  
“No, I _am_ , I just… Douglas, I…”  
  
“Yes, yes, I’m excellent at this, I know.”  
  
“No, yes, I… Douglas, I think I like you.”  
  
“Really? Because I didn’t have a clue. Now, think about something… think about me. And here we go –“  
  
“ _dsfjkldfdjsakfas_ –“  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Douglas?”  
  
“Yes, dear?”  
  
“You’re looking at me.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“And you switched the light on.”  
  
“Yes, I did.”  
  
“And you’re looking at me.”  
  
“Well, you’re sitting there, flushed and looking like somebody just got you off very efficiently and expertly. Of course I’m looking at you.”  
  
“…why?”  
  
“Because I like you, Martin.”  
  
“…why?”  
  
“God only knows. Do you need more napkins?”  
  
“Yes. Douglas –“  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Would you like me to jerk you off?”  
  
“Oh, yes, please, Martin, thank you for asking. Yes, I would.”  
  
“Just give me a minute to catch my breathing.”  
  
“That’s going to take more than a minute. But take your time. Russia is still wonderfully big.”  
  
  
**  
  
  
“Martin? Douglas? Why have you switched the light off again – _oh my god_ –“  
  
“Carolyn! Careful with the light!”  
  
“Shut up, Martin. What were you doing?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“Were you two _kissing?_ ”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“…you do realise that I don’t pay you for kissing each other in the flight deck?”  
  
“Well, you don’t pay me at all, so –“  
  
“Shut up, Martin. Anyway, aren’t we going to land soon?”  
  
“Yes, Carolyn. Martin, take your hat and try not to stare at me like that, or Carolyn is going to blush as well.”  
  
“Douglas, I can assure you that I’m not going to _blush_ –“  
  
“Yes, yes. Now, I strongly suggest you excuse us, because we have a plane to land.”  
  
“…you’re just going to get back to kissing, aren’t you?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Shut up, Martin, Yes, Carolyn, we are.”  
  
“…I don’t know why I haven’t retired yet.”  
  
“Mum? What’s happening in there?”


End file.
